Quiet The power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking

Susan Cain

Book - 2012

At least one-third of the people we know are introverts. They are the ones who prefer listening to speaking, reading to partying; who invent and create but prefer not to pitch their own ideas; who favor working on their own over brainstorming in teams. Although they are often labeled "quiet," it is to introverts we owe many of the great contributions to society--from Van Gogh's sunflowers to the invention of the personal computer. Passionately argued, impressively researched, and filled with the indelible stories of real people, Quiet shows how dramatically we undervalue introverts, and how much we lose in doing so. Susan Cain charts the rise of "the extrovert ideal" over the twentieth century and explores its far-r...eaching effects--how it helps to determine everything from how parishioners worship to who excels at Harvard Business School. And she draws on cutting-edge research on the biology and psychology of temperament to reveal how introverts can modulate their personalities according to circumstance, how to empower an introverted child, and how companies can harness the natural talents of introverts. This extraordinary book has the power to permanently change how we see introverts and, equally important, how they see themselves.

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Subjects
Published
New York : Crown Pub c2012.
Language
English
Main Author
Susan Cain (-)
Physical Description
x, 333 p. ; 25 cm
Bibliography
Includes bibliographical references (p. [277]-323) and index.
ISBN
9780307352149
  • Author's Note
  • Introduction: The North and South of Temperament
  • Part 1. The Extrovert Ideal
  • 1. The Rise of the "Mighty Likeable Fellow": How Extroversion Became the Cultural Ideal
  • 2. The Myth of Charismatic Leadership: The Culture of Personality, a Hundred Years Later
  • 3. When Collaboration Kills Creativity: The Rise of the New Groupthink and the Power of Working Alone
  • Part 2. Your Biology, Your Self?
  • 4. Is Temperament Destiny?: Nature, Nurture, and the Orchid Hypothesis
  • 5. Beyond Temperament: The Role of Free Will (and the Secret of Public Speaking for Introverts)
  • 6. "Franklin was a Politician, But Eleanor Spoke Out of Conscience": Why Cool Is Overrated
  • 7. Why Did Wall Street Crash and Warren Buffett Prosper?: How Introverts and Extroverts Think (and Process Dopamine) Differently
  • Part 3. Do All Cultures Have an Extrovert Ideal?
  • 8. Soft Power: Asian-Americans and the Extrovert Ideal
  • Part 4. How to Love, How to Work
  • 9. When Should You Act More Extroverted Than You Really Are?
  • 10. The Communication Gap: How to Talk to Members of the Opposite Type
  • 11. On Cobblers and Generals: How to Cultivate Quiet Kids in a World That Can't Hear Them
  • Conclusion: Wonderland
  • A Note on the Dedication
  • A Note on the Words Introvert and Extrovert
  • Acknowledgments
  • Notes
  • Index
Review by New York Times Review

MY neighbor, a leadership development consultant who regularly helps people improve themselves through personality tests like the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, once told me I was the most introverted person he'd ever met. I took this as a compliment. Who wouldn't? The introverts who are the subject of Susan Cain's new book, "Quiet," don't experience their inwardness in quite so self-congratulatory a way. They and others view their tendency toward solitary activity, quiet reflection and reserve as "a second-class personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology," Cain writes. Too often denigrated and frequently overlooked in a society that's held in thrall to an "Extrovert Ideal - the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious, alpha and comfortable in the spotlight," Cain's introverts are overwhelmed by the social demands thrust upon them. They're also underwhelmed by the example set by the voluble, socially successful go-getters in their midst who "speak without thinking," in the words of a Chinese software engineer whom Cain encounters in Cupertino, Calif., the majority Asian-American enclave that she suggests is the introversion capital of the United States. Many of the self-avowed introverts she meets in the course of this book, which combines on-the-scenes reporting with a wide range of social science research and a fair bit of "quiet power" cheerleading, ape extroversion. Though some fake it well enough to make it, going along to get along in a country that rewards the outgoing, something precious, the au-thor says, is lost in this masquerade. Unchecked extroversion - a personality trait Cain ties to ebullience, excitability, dominance, risk-taking, thick skin, boldness and a tendency toward quick thinking and thoughtless action - has actually, she argues, come to pose a real menace of late. The outsize reward-seeking tendencies of the hopelessly outer-directed helped bring us the bank meltdown of 2008 as well as disasters like Enron, she claims. With our economy now in ruins, Cain writes, it's time to establish "a greater balance of power" between those who rush to speak and do and those who sit back and think. Introverts - who, according to Cain, can count among their many virtues the fact that "they're relatively immune to the lures of wealth and fame" - must learn to "embrace the power of quiet." And extroverts should learn to sit down and shut up. Introverts may be an odd audience for a book about power and leadership - concepts that necessarily involve the tiring and unappealing prospect of having power over, and leadership of, other people. Jonathan Rauch, a contributing editor at National Journal, tapped into the inherent humor of this contradiction some years ago, when he wrote a much-read meditation in The Atlantic on introversion. Rauch dreamed about the dawning of an "Introverts' Rights movement," the slogan of which might someday be "Please shush." He got the tone just right: "Remember, someone you know, respect and interact with every day is an introvert, and you are probably driving this person nuts." "Quiet," a long and ploddingly earnest book, would have greatly benefited from some of this levity. But for Cain, the perils of introversion are no laughing matter. Her interest in writing on the subject, she relates, stemmed from her own agonizing difficulties with public speaking - an aversion to putting herself "out there," which made Harvard Law School such a trial that she once threw up on the way to class. Her Cupertino "introverts" (who, I think, are probably better understood as sharing a cultural background rather than a near-universal personality trait) feel unappreciated, undervalued, resentful of their extroverted (and non-Asian) fellow students and colleagues who noisily "talk nonsense," as a Taiwanese-born Cupertino woman puts it, and still get ahead. Her "extroverts" are, often enough, obnoxious fools: Stanford students stripping naked and running down a San Francisco street as part of a freshman "icebreaking" event; a charismatic self-help guru, raking in the dough as he flashes his too-white teeth and sells the secrets of his success to the constitutionally less exuberant. It would be easy to blame people like this for the decline of our civilization if they were, in fact, typical. But, of course, they aren't. Cain, who left a career in corporate law and consulting for a quieter life of writing at home with her family, is at her best on the subject of children. Her accounts of introverted kids misunderstood and mishandled by their parents should give pause, for she rightly notes that introversion in children (often incorrectly viewed as shyness) is in some ways threatening to the adults around them. Indeed, in an age when kids are increasingly herded into classroom "pods" for group work, Cain's insights into the stresses of nonstop socializing for some children are welcome; her advice that parents should choose to view their introverted offspring's social style with understanding rather than fear is well worth hearing. However useful and astute her observations and advice regarding introverted kids, though, Cain's book is about adults, and on this population, unfortunately, she's a whole lot less convincing. For one thing, her definition of introversion - a temperamental inner-directedness first identified as a core personality trait by Carl Jung in 1921 - widens constantly; by the end of the book, it has expanded to include all who are "reflective, cerebral, bookish, unassuming, sensitive, thoughtful, serious, contemplative, subtle, introspective, inner-directed, gentle, calm, modest, solitude-seeking, shy, risk-averse, thin-skinned." This widening of the definition makes introversion so broad a category, including, basically, all that is wise and good, that it's largely meaningless, except as yet another vehicle for promoting self-esteem: "a very empowering lens through which to view your personality," as Cain puts it. Another problem with Cain's argument is her assumption that most introverts are actually suffering in their self-esteem. This may be true in the sorts of environments - Harvard Business School, corporate boardrooms, executive suites - that she knows best and appears to spend most of her time thinking about. Had she spent more time in other sorts of places, among other types of people - in research laboratories, for example, or among economists rather than businessmen and women - she would undoubtedly have discovered a world of introverts quite contented with who they are, and who feel that the world has been good to them. The need to dress up any exploration of a social or psychological phenomenon in go-go language, making interesting observations or reflections the basis for something like a new social movement ("Introverts of the World, Unite!" as The Atlantic headlined a follow-up interview with Rauch), is particularly American, and can be as noisily grating as the compulsory extroversion Cain deplores. "Quiet" is full of gratuitous sloganeering: "Love is essential; gregariousness is optional." "The secret to life is to put yourself in the right lighting." Such writing offsets Cain's serious research rather badly. A more quiet argument would have been much more effective. Introverts must learn to 'embrace the power of quiet.' And extroverts should learn to sit down and shut up. Judith Warner is the author, most recently, of "We've Got Issues: Children and Parents in the Age of Medication."

Copyright (c) The New York Times Company [February 5, 2012]
Review by Booklist Review

It's hard to believe, in this world of social media and reality TV, that one-third to one-half of Americans are introverts. Yet being an introvert has become a social stigma. The rise of what the author dubs the Extrovert Ideal (in which the ideal self is gregarious, alpha, and comfortable in the spotlight) began with Dale Carnegie and his wildly popular self-help books. Simultaneously, we saw the rise of the movie star and of personality-driven ads and the appearance of the inferiority complex, developed by psychologist Alfred Adler. Today, pitchmen like Tony Robbins sell the idea of extroversion as the key to greatness. But and this is key to the author's thesis personal space and privacy are absolutely vital to creativity and invention, as is freedom from peer pressure. Cain also explores the fundamental differences in psychology and physiology between extroverts and introverts, showing how being an introvert or an extrovert is really a biological imperative. No slick self-help book, this is an intelligent and often surprising look at what makes us who we are.--Pitt, David Copyright 2010 Booklist

From Booklist, Copyright (c) American Library Association. Used with permission.
Review by Publisher's Weekly Review

While American culture and business tend to be dominated by extroverts, business consultant Cain explores and champions the one-third to one-half of the population who are introverts. She defines the term broadly, including "solitude-seeking" and "contemplative," but also "sensitive," "humble," and "risk-averse." Such individuals, she claims (though with insufficient evidence), are "disproportionately represented among the ranks of the spectacularly creative." Yet the American school and workplace make it difficult for those who draw strength from solitary musing by over-emphasizing teamwork and what she calls "the new Groupthink." Cain gives excellent portraits of a number of introverts and shatters misconceptions. For example, she notes, introverts can negotiate as well as, or better than, alpha males and females because they can take a firm stand "without inflaming [their] counterpart's ego." Cain provides tips to parents and teachers of children who are introverted or seem socially awkward and isolated. She suggests, for instance, exposing them gradually to new experiences that are otherwise overstimulating. Cain consistently holds the reader's interest by presenting individual profiles, looking at places dominated by extroverts (Harvard Business School) and introverts (a West Coast retreat center), and reporting on the latest studies. Her diligence, research, and passion for this important topic has richly paid off. (Jan.) (c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.

(c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved
Review by Library Journal Review

The introvert/extrovert dichotomy is easily stereotyped in psychological literature: extroverts are buoyant and loud, introverts are shy and nerdy. Here, former corporate lawyer and negotiations consultant Cain gives a more nuanced portrait of introversion. Introverts are by nature more pensive, quiet, and solitary, but they can also act extroverted for the pursuit of their passions. Cain describes and explicates the introvert personality by citing much research (at times so much that readers may be confused about what she is explaining) and going undercover, at one point immersing herself at a Harvard Business School student center and, in a very amusing chapter, at a Tony Robbins seminar, among other case studies. Cain's conclusion is that the introversion or extroversion personality trait is not as simple as an on/off switch but a much more complex expression of a personality. VERDICT This book is a pleasure to read and will make introverts and extroverts alike think twice about the best ways to be themselves and interact with differing personality types. Recommended to all readers.-Maryse Breton, Bibliotheque et Archives nationales du Quebec, Montreal (c) Copyright 2012. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

(c) Copyright Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.
Review by Kirkus Book Review

Jersey Shore narcissism and American Idol fame really be inhabited by reserved, sensitive types? According to Cain, yes--and we better start valuing their insight. Extroverts have their place, but things can quickly go haywire when we start confusing assertiveness with competence--the economic meltdown on Wall Street was the most stunning recent example. Had there been a few more conscientious, contemplative introverts in the boardroom (and had they made themselves heard), Cain writes, the country's fortunes would now be decidedly different. But today's prevailing susceptibility to "reward sensitivity," as embodied by alpha-dog Wall Street types, wasn't always the norm. Cain provides fascinating insight into how the United States shifted from an introvert-leaning "cult of character" to an extrovert-leaning "cult of personality" ruled by the larger-than-life Tony Robbinses of the world. Readers will learn that the tendency for some to be reserved is actually hardwired, and as every evolutionary biologist will tell you, innate characteristics are there for a reason--to help humans survive and thrive. The author also boldly tackles introverts themselves, as well as the ambivalence many often feel about being relegated to the corner. "Stick to your guns," writes fellow introvert Cain. The author's insights are so rich that she could pen two separate books: one about parenting an introverted child, and another about how to make an introvert/extrovert relationship work. An intriguing and potentially life-altering examination of the human psyche that is sure to benefit both introverts and extroverts alike.]] Copyright Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.

Copyright (c) Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.

Today we make room for a remarkably narrow range of personality styles. We're told that to be great is to be bold, to be happy is to be sociable. We see ourselves as a nation of extroverts-which means that we've lost sight of who we really are. Depending on which study you consult, one third to one half of Americans are introverts-in other words, one out of every two or three people you know. (Given that the United States is among the most extroverted of nations, the number must be at least as high in other parts of the world.) If you're not an introvert yourself, you are surely raising, managing, married to, or coupled with one. If these statistics surprise you, that's probably because so many people pretend to be extroverts. Closet introverts pass undetected on playgrounds, in high school locker rooms, and in the corridors of corporate America. Some fool even themselves, until some life event-a layoff, an empty nest, an inheritance that frees them to spend time as they like- jolts them into taking stock of their true natures. You have only to raise the subject of this book with your friends and acquaintances to find that the most unlikely people consider themselves introverts. It makes sense that so many introverts hide even from themselves. We live with a value system that I call the Extrovert Ideal-the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious, alpha, and comfortable in the spotlight. The archetypal extrovert prefers action to contemplation, risk- taking to heed-taking, certainty to doubt. He favors quick decisions, even at the risk of being wrong. She works well in teams and socializes in groups. We like to think that we value individuality, but all too often we admire one type of individual-the kind who's comfortable "putting himself out there." Sure, we allow technologically gifted loners who launch companies in garages to have any personality they please, but they are the exceptions, not the rule, and our tolerance extends mainly to those who get fabulously wealthy or hold the promise of doing so. Introversion-along with its cousins, sensitivity, seriousness, and shyness-is now a second- class personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology. Introverts living under the Extrovert Ideal are like women in a man's world, discounted because of a trait that goes to the core of who they are. Extroversion is an enormously appealing personality style, but we've turned it into an oppressive standard to which most of us feel we must conform. The Extrovert Ideal has been documented in many studies, though this research has never been grouped under a single name. Talkative people, for example, are rated as smarter, better- looking, more interesting, and more desirable as friends. Velocity of speech counts as well as volume: we rank fast talkers as more competent and likable than slow ones. The same dynamics apply in groups, where research shows that the voluble are considered smarter than the reticent-even though there's zero correlation between the gift of gab and good ideas. Even the word introvert is stigmatized-one informal study, by psychologist Laurie Helgoe, found that introverts described their own physical appearance in vivid language ("green- blue eyes," "exotic," "high cheekbones"), but when asked to describe generic introverts they drew a bland and distasteful picture ("ungainly," "neutral colors," "skin problems"). But we make a grave mistake to embrace the Extrovert Ideal so unthinkingly. Some of our greatest ideas, art, and inventions-from the theory of evolution to van Gogh's sunflowers to the personal computer-came from quiet and cerebral people who knew how to tune in to their inner worlds and the treasures to be found there. Copyright © 2012 by Susan Cain. From the book QUIET: The Power Of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain, published by Crown, a division of Random House, Inc. Reprinted with permission. Excerpted from Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.