Real influence Persuade without pushing and gain without giving in

INTRODUCTION Are you frustrated because you fail to get people to buy into your great ideas, can't close the deal on tough sales, or constantly hit the wall when you try to influence people? If so, you're not alone. As executive coaches, we know that it's harder than ever to influence people because the old rules of per- suasion no longer work. Today, we live in a postselling and postpushing world. As people grow more aware of manipulative tactics, their guard goes up. The Internet, television advertising, and wall-to-wall marketing have made us cynical about deceptive tricks and hard-sell approaches. Your customers, your coworkers, and even your kids can all recog- nize "pushy" influence . . . and when you use it, they'll push back twice as hard. Yet most of the books and business school courses that teach persuasion skills emphasize manipulative tactics and techniques. They conceive of influence as something that you "do" to some- one else to get your way. And they focus on short-term gains rather than long-term consequences. We call this outdated strategy disconnected influence. It's a short- sighted strategy that sometimes creates momentary "buy-in" but often at the expense of your relationships and reputation. And it keeps you from making the deep, transformational connections that lead to great outcomes in your career and in your life. To influence people in powerful ways that can change your future, you need to move from disconnected to connected influence. When you make this transition, you'll set the stage for strong, sus- tained influence by becoming the kind of person other people are eager to follow. These people won't just agree to support you. They'll line up to champion your causes, and they'll have your back whenever you need their help. In this book, we've distilled the elements of connected influence into a simple four-step model for becoming wildly successful by being both influential and "influenceable." We've helped thousands of people master these four steps--and in the process, we've em- powered them to save their companies, increase their sales, achieve business goals they thought were impossible, and take their personal relationships to an entirely new level. But this book isn't just about our own experiences. In addition, we've interviewed more than one hundred remarkable influencers who are putting these same steps into action in their own lives. These people are using their powers of persuasion to change the world every day. They head international corporations, raise millions for charities, help kids with cancer, and work to save the planet. They personify success, and their stories illustrate the astonishing power of connected influence. As you read these stories, here is what we want you to remember: No matter who you are and where you are in life, you can do what these people have done. In fact, the most powerful lesson the stories in this book illustrate is that anyone can positively influence anyone else, regardless of their differences in experience, status, age, income, or power. The people we talked with didn't start out with powerful connections, but they knew how to earn these connections and how to solidify and expand them. Their message is that there is no need--ever--to set limits in your influence potential. When you master the steps we outline in this book, you can influence anyone, even someone who "has it all." This book won't tell you what you can accomplish by tricking people, manipulating them, or stepping on them. Instead, it will teach you how to be the kind of influencer that you and the people in your life want you to be. That's because as you build deeper rela- tionships, you'll drive stronger results. And when you approach rela- tionships by thinking about giving rather than getting, and about adding value before seeking value, you'll be amazed at the return you see on your investment. When you put the ideas in this book to work in your own life, you'll learn what all the masters of influence in this book know. Connected infl uence pays off--and it pays forward. Connected in- fluence multiplies, and as it multiplies, it leads to amazing outcomes. Here's to yours. Excerpted from Real Influence: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In by Mark Goulston, John Ullmen All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.