Talking to crazy How to deal with the irrational and impossible people in your life

Psychiatrist Goulston (Get Out of Your Own Way) asserts that we must "lean in" to the crazy-to empathize with it. He distinguishes between mental illness and the kind of absurdity that emerges in everyday interactions with, for example, an irrational partner, a self-sabotaging colleague, or someone who doesn't see the world clearly. To cope with crazy, says Goulston, people have to identify modes in which others act out, realize that it's "not about me," and deal with one's own irrational behaviors first. After discussing the basics of empathetic listening, the author details how to interact with such personalities as the manipulator, the toxic deflector, and the frenemy. VERDICT A solid choice for understanding people in general. © Copyright 2015. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

Chapter 1: Understanding Crazy AFTER DECADES as a psychiatrist, I know crazy--and that includes some serious crazy. How serious? One of my patients stalked Britney Spears, and another jumped off a fifth-story balcony because he thought he could fly. Still another called me from a jail in the Dominican Republic, saying he was there to start a revolution. In addition, I've worked with 80-pound anorexics, strung-out heroin addicts, and hallucinating schizophrenics. I've taught hostage negotiators how to get homicidal criminals to surrender. And these days, I show CEOs and managers how to deal with out-of-control people who threaten their companies' bottom lines. In short, crazy and I are pretty much on a first-name basis. However, a while ago, something occurred to me: I expect to deal with crazy every day, because it's my job. But I suddenly realized how often you have to face down crazy--not the jump-off-a-balcony, stalk-Britney-Spears kind of crazy, but what I call everyday crazy. My "aha" moment occurred when I went to a meeting for estate planners who needed advice about helping families in crisis. I expected the event to be a little dry, but instead, I was mesmerized. I found out that just like me, these people have to "talk to crazy" every day. In fact, nearly every issue they discussed involved clients acting completely nuts. These lawyers had no trouble writing wills and creating trusts. But what they didn't know, and desperately needed to know, was what to do when they can't stop their clients from acting crazy. That's when it dawned on me that everyone--including you--has this problem. I'm betting that nearly every day, you deal with at least one irrational person. Maybe it's a boss who wants the impossible. Maybe it's a demanding parent or a hostile teen or a manipulative coworker or a neighbor who's always in your face. Maybe it's a tear- ful lover or an unreasonable client. And that's what this book is all about: talking to crazy. Now, a word about the word crazy: I know it sounds inflammatory and totally un-PC. But when I use this word, I don't mean mentally ill (although mental illness--which I'll address separately in Section 5--certainly causes crazy behavior). And I don't use the word crazy to stigmatize one group of people either. That's because all of us, at some points in time, are crazy. What I mean by crazy is irrational. There are four ways in which the people you deal with can be irrational: - They can't see the world clearly. - They say or think things that make no sense. - They make decisions and take actions that aren't in their best interest. - They become downright impossible when you try to guide them back to the side of reason. In this book, I'll share my best tricks for breaking through to people who are irrational in these ways. I've used these techniques to do everything from settling office feuds to rescuing marriages, and you can use them just as effectively to handle the irrational people in your life. Excerpted from Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life by Mark Goulston All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.