Raising LGBTQ allies A parent's guide to changing the messages from the playground

Books are like messengers, Tompkins writes, and this volume conveys essential information for all adults with children in their lives about what it means to be LGBTQ, in the context of what he calls MFTP: Messages from the Playground. Playground is meant metaphorically, of course, as are messages. Playground is our mind or, rather, our consciousness, while messages are the dominant societal worldview. Tompkins says that one of the goals of his useful book is to help prevent bullying, heal queerphobia, and create allies on the playground. To this end, he writes extensively of his own experiences as a teacher and counselor with the goal of making the experience of having an LGBTQ child--or knowing one--something to revere. This is a tall order, but Tompkins rises to the occasion, offering thoughtful, informed, affirming, and, yes, inspirational advice on how to change a homophobic and transphobic society. In that context, he invites readers to change their traditional thinking and in so doing to eliminate queerphobia by being open and honest with children. He has succeeded beautifully.

Tompkins, a spiritual life coach and TEDx speaker, debuts with a thoughtful guide to creating LGBTQ allies with "open and authentic conversations within families and classrooms." Using the metaphor of a playground for society-at-large, Tompkins asks parents and teachers to join together and recognize their biases, shift the conversations around gender and relationships, and talk openly about homophobia, transphobia, and bullying. Then, he offers concrete steps for ways to "build new playgrounds for all children." When dealing with a child who is a bully, for example, he recommends a process of acknowledging their behavior, challenging their negative messages, and helping them forgive themselves. He encourages incorporating same-sex couple examples in lessons and conversations, stocking classrooms with LGBTQ-affirming books and resources, and having open, vulnerable conversations with children that involve asking questions about their relationships and interests. Along the way, Tompkins writes movingly of his closeted teen years, history of substance abuse, and how he made peace with who he is, adding a trenchant personal framework to the well-reasoned advice. Complete with discussion questions, meditations, and practical actions, this guide is a powerful treatise on creating a more accepting world. (May)