How to have a kid and a life A survival guide

Journalist Sóuter debuts with an encouraging guide for new mothers who are overwhelmed by the expectations held up by the media, mommy culture, and one's own preconceptions of what parenting should be like. Sóuter sees becoming a mother as a "roller coaster" growth experience rather than a sudden event, and parenting skills as learned rather than innate. She considers friendship changes, marriage and sex, the oppressive idea of "maternal instinct" (calling it "cultural lore"), and the dark side of the "mommy needs wine" trope, all with an eye toward cutting through to the conflicted and difficult feelings that often underlie self-judgment. Touching only lightly on research, Sóuter relies mostly on anecdotes, both from her own life and others', sharing her experience as a working mom and interviewing child-free women. Each chapter opens with a clever "What To Really Expect" summary of the topic at hand, and closes with a "Your New To-Do List" section that distills her advice into easily actionable bullets and questions for reflection. Sóuter's analysis doesn't quite break new ground, but her prose connects well and her persistence in building readers' compassion hits its mark. Parents unsure how to tackle lofty expectations will find this a balm. (Aug.)

Here Souter draws on her work as a journalist reporting on parenting, as well as her own experience as a Black American mother of two who found herself struggling during and after her pregnancies, which she says were at once rewarding and difficult. For this book, she spent hundreds of hours interviewing mothers from a variety of racial, religious, and socioeconomic backgrounds about their experiences of becoming parents; the interviews confirmed that she wasn't alone in struggling. Souter examines factors compounding motherhood's difficulty (poor maternity and paternity leave policies, unsubsidized childcare, inflexible work, weak labor protections, bias against working mothers) and offers guidance for returning to work after parental leave and dealing with the particular changes (to work, parenting, relationships) wrought by the pandemic. VERDICT Helpful for readers navigating the changes parenthood has brought to career and lifestyle.