I will find you again

Seventeen-year-old Chase ("equal parts Japanese, Vietnamese, Chinese, and Taiwanese") wants to have it all: a girlfriend, a Stanford education, and control over her own life. And she has most of it, until her girlfriend Lia (a Korean adoptee) breaks up with her and then shows up dead in the water a few months later. As Chase works to find out why Lia died and how, her world and her mind begin to unravel. Suddenly, Hunter--the rich, white girl Lia left her for--becomes an unlikely and sometimes unwilling ally in the search for answers. Chase's story is one of obsession, lies, and addiction, exploring the many ways the human mind will try to block out trauma. Lyu's novel speaks to the social and familial pressures teens often face in high school, and the sometimes self-destructive coping mechanisms they will turn to for a sense of control. Though the combination of melodrama, mystery, and emotional nuance sometimes leave the narrative feeling unbalanced, its compelling, twisty plotting will keep readers guessing to the end.

In this stirring and complex novel by Lyu (The Best Lies), 17-year-old high-achieving Chase Ohara, who is Japanese, Vietnamese, Chinese, and Taiwanese, wrestles with drug dependency and grief following her ex-girlfriend's death. Chase's seemingly perfect life as cross-country team captain and future valedictorian has felt off-kilter ever since her breakup with her childhood best friend turned girlfriend, 17-year-old Korean adoptee Lia Vestiano. After Chase ignores a text from Lia requesting that Chase meet her in Montauk--where the pair used to go to escape the expectations of their affluent, predominantly white town--and Lia goes missing, Chase's subsequent search for her turns up empty. When authorities discover Lia's body washed ashore in Montauk, they're quick to label it death by suicide, which Chase refuses to accept. Feeling at fault for Lia's death, Chase teams up with the girl Lia was last dating to investigate. Chase is also inadvertently roped into a cheating ring with the classmate who supplies her with an amphetamine that she takes to help maintain her grades. Well-paced nonlinear chapters feature flashbacks to Chase and Lia's tender courtship and its eventual unraveling, offering ardent depictions of mental illness, grief, and the frequent crushing pressure to succeed. Ages 14--up. Agent: Kerry Sparks, Levine Greenberg Rostan Literary. (Mar.)

Chase Ohara, a 17-year-old overachiever, grapples with her ex-girlfriend's death while battling addiction. "Meet me in Montauk." That was the last text Lia Vestiano sent Chase. It was the SOS signal they used whenever they needed to escape Meadowlark, the Long Island town they called home. The two girls shared outsider status in their predominantly White community: Chase is Japanese, Vietnamese, Chinese, and Taiwanese, while adopted Lia described herself as "ethnically Korean, culturally Italian." But now Lia is gone. The novel flashes back as Chase tries to piece together the facts: Did their breakup tear Lia apart? Did parental pressure push her over the edge? Was it an accident, or did she die by suicide? Chase teams up with Hunter van Leeuwen, Lia's new White girlfriend, for answers. An unreliable narrator, Chase's dependence on fictional drug Focentra--like Adderall, but stronger--distorts her grasp of reality. Overcome by guilt over their breakup and jealousy of Hunter, she tries to make sense of what happened. Muddling through college admissions, Chase wrestles with the mental strain of relentlessly seeking money, power, and status in her affluent community where students stoop to underhanded means of ensuring success. Unable to make space for grief, Chase emotionally unravels. Though this mind-bending novel features skillful character development, the tone shift from tragic romance to school cheating ring scandal is jarring, undermining the cohesiveness of the whole. An impassioned and bold psychological drama that loses focus. (resources) (Thriller. 14-18) Copyright (c) Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.

Chapter 1 1. I'd give anything to be the girl people see when they look at me: Chase Ohara, student council president, captain of the best cross-country team in the state, and clear favorite of her teachers. Expected valedictorian, voted most likely to succeed. A future with her last name etched in gold atop skyscrapers, multimillion-dollar bonuses, Congress or the Supreme Court perhaps. Or insider trading scandals if she goes astray. They look at me like I have this-- this power . Like I'm in control. What they don't know: It's 2 AM on the fifth night in a row that I haven't been able to sleep and the world feels like it's spinning away from me. I get up from bed and the ground sways. I think about that Chase, the one people think they know. I used to feel like her, or more like her. Like I could do anything, be anything. Like life was laid out for the taking and all I had to do was reach. Now I reach for the Altoids tin in my bag, shake it. I'm low, but not desperately so. I pop it open and drop a small pink pill onto my tongue, swallow it dry. At my desk I wait for it to take effect, hoping for the rush, that small burst of electricity. For it to lend me its strength as I stare past my laptop screen to the printout pinned to my wall. "It's not the end of the world," my mom had told me when she found out, but she didn't know what she was talking about. "We won't tell your dad." I told him myself on our next weekend together. Dad remained silent, but his expression said it all, and in that instant, I knew I wasn't the girl people see when they looked at me, the one who could do anything, be anything. Or at least I wasn't that person to my father--not anymore. I slip out quietly to avoid waking Mom and my little sister, Aidan, and hit the pavement for a run. All the houses are shuttered and dark, the streetlights alone guiding me under the black sky. I like the solitude, no music, just the strike of my heel against concrete. I run three miles before my mind calms to a soft hum and it's just me and the night, the early November air cold against my skin. I'm not Chase Ohara, future power broker, but just me, a girl alone, as lost as everyone else. But then I turn onto a bigger street and see a large grocery truck make a tight corner ahead. An image flickers into mind. It only lasts half a second, but it's mesmerizing--I can see myself taking a single misstep, my foot striking the edge of the curb at just the wrong angle. I trip. Fall in front of the truck. And I'm no longer Chase Ohara, expected valedictorian, voted most likely to succeed. No longer obsessed with SATs, grades, Stanford. That glittering future with my name atop skyscrapers, gone. This pain inside me, gone. I let the truck fly past me, feel a blast of cold air in its wake, and I'm left unsteady on my feet. I try to push on, shake the image from my mind and force my legs to move, but at the end of mile six, my chest seizes. Hands on thighs, I can't drink in enough air to keep the bile from burning its way up. Coughing, I collapse to the curb less than two miles from my house, head hung heavy between my knees. I walk the rest of the way back, panting the whole time. Sometimes, I think there isn't enough air in this town. Not enough air in the world for a girl like me. Excerpted from I Will Find You Again by Sarah Lyu All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.