The school of hard talks How to have real conversations with your (almost grown) kids

ldquo;The joys of parenting" is often uttered sarcastically, particularly about the dreaded teen years. Kline exhorts parents to enjoy getting to know adolescents, speaking from her expertise as a professor and practicing clinical psychologist. The author, who created the online course this book is named after, explains the underlying causes of hard-talk missteps and why some discussions are so difficult before providing an arsenal of tools to invite deeper, honest conversations. She describes a poorly handled exchange, for example, then revamps the encounter with parents employing her methods, transforming disastrous encounters with meaningful, revealing results. Resist the urge to fix or judge, Kline urges, and instead allow adolescents to feel understood, confident, and in control--this will open the door to listening to the advice you want to impart. Hard talks are still hard, but with Kline's help, the outcomes are vastly improved. She also offers tips for talking to adolescents facing mental health issues. Each chapter concludes with a recapping "Hard Talk Highlights," bibliography, and resources list. The book may appear disarmingly short, but to any parent or grandparent scrambling to talk to their teens, its brevity--and Kline's informal, engaging, and inspiring tone--is a strength. It belongs in every public library.

Psychologist Kline's guide to navigating challenging conversational topics centers around asking questions and encouraging teens to find their own solutions. Many parents, already facing debilitating pressures in balancing their own employment with their children's dizzying school and activity schedules, now find themselves facing the court of public opinion and their own expectations, especially in an increasingly social media-driven world. During challenging times, Kline suggests parents focus on creating a relationship grounded in mutual trust and respect instead of rules. With the goal of helping parents foster better bonds and safe spaces for their children to openly discuss their struggles, Kline invited a sample group of parents to participate in a study. They received guidance in group and individual settings to learn the skill of motivational interviewing, a technique the author believes may help teens make progress toward achieving personal goals and focus on problem-solving, even while facing challenging life situations. This model advocates a mirror view; as parents work through their own anxiety, they can better help their teens. This guide also explores the power of communication to help work through battles and conflicts without shame. VERDICT With high interest in emotional health, many readers may relate.

Parents are under pressure. It comes from school deadlines, the competitiveness of social media, and the judgments of extended family, but mostly it comes from within. Many of us have internalized to some extent the idea that our children are an extension of our selves . When our kids struggle, we feel the shame of having somehow failed. When they succeed, we bask in their glory, confident we must have done something right. In this book, I'm going to challenge that view. Parents cannot control how their kids turn out. Whether kids wind up earning a lot of money, developing depression, or summitting Mount Everest doesn't reflect much on the competence of their caregivers. Expectations about how they should dress and talk; whether we push them toward advanced classes or after school jobs; whether we allow them to go out with friends on school nights or attend parties - your opinion about these issues matters mostly to the extent that your adolescent cares what you think. Therefore, the most important work of parenting an adolescent is not controlling your child's path, but rather creating a relationship of trust and mutual respect. Excerpted from The School of Hard Talks: How to Have Real Conversations with Your (Almost Grown) Kids by Emily Kline, All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.