This won't help Modest proposals for a more enjoyable apocalypse
Book - 2023
""Unravel society's great hypocrisies while laughing at their absurdity, with this collection of short, satirical essays.""--
Saved in:
- Subjects
- Genres
- Essays
Satirical literature - Published
-
New York :
The Experiment
2023.
- Language
- English
- Main Author
- Physical Description
- 258 pages : illustrations ; 22 cm
- ISBN
- 9781615199990
- Introduction
- These Won't Help
- Earth: Updated Terms and Conditions
- The Ocean Is Boiling-Time to Add Your Pasta!
- Trolley Problem Update: The Trolley Is Now Carrying Hazardous Chemicals
- How I Saved Enough to Buy a House with My Parents' Money
- Before You Leave This Airbnb, Please Follow This Simple Fifty-Item Checklist
- Tag Lines for US Presidents If They Were on The Red Housewives
- How to Walt 10,000 Steps a Day in Your Apartment
- We Can Still Avoid Climate Catastrophe If We Act Before the End of This Sentence Never Mind Too Late
- New High-Stakes Dating Shows You Don't Want to Miss
- Schoolhouse Rock! Fifty Years Later
- The Cancellation of Jesus Christ
- The Secret Habits of the Ultra-Wealthy
- And Now, a Word from Our Sponsor: Bootstraps
- How to Deny People Health Care with #Empathy
- I'm Being Censored, and You Can Read, Hear, and See Me Talk About It in the News, on the Radio, and on TV
- Detailed Feedback on Your Final Group Project, "The Pledge of Allegiance"
- Here at Synthetix Technologies, We've Created Yet Another Thing We Should Immediately Destroy
- "I'm Only Joking!" I Say, as I Kill You
- Last-Minute Ideas to Pay Back the US National Debt That Don't Involve Raising Taxes on Billionaires
- Complete Nuclear Disarmament: An FAQ
- Situations in Which the Only Solution Was to Vote
- How to Retire by Age 165
- At Our National Publication, We Believe Every Op-Ed-No Matter How Dangerous-Must Be Carried to Term
- I'm Appalled: Sex Stuff Is All Over This Algorithm That Only Shows Me Things I Keep Clicking On
- The Only Acceptable Form of Free Speech Is Giving Me Money
- Now That the Titanic Is at the Bottom of the Ocean, It's Time for Me to Resign as First Mate
- These Are Even Less Helpful
- Genesis, Presented by Amazon
- Sitting in the Emergency Exit Row: What You Need to Know
- How Our Extremely Online Family Lives Completely Off-Grid
- The Telescope We Sent to Deep Space Wants to Come Home
- In Which I Am Visited in the Night by the Ghost of Benjamin Franklin
- We Must Give Equal Airtime to the Democratic Incumbent and the Guy Who Wants Everyone to Drink Their Own Piss
- And Now, a Word from Our Sponsor: Land
- The Only Way to Prevent Car Crashes Is More Cars
- How Can We Afford Universal Health Care When We Can Barely Afford One Hundred More F-35B Fighter Jets?
- Abortion Should Be Between a Patient, Their Doctor, and the God of My Choosing
- Xornax's School Report: "My Two-Thousand-Year Stay on Planet Earth"
- I Firmly Believe in Your Right to Vote, So Long as You're Voting for Me
- Algorithmic Radicalization
- The True Cost of Everything
- We Just Need to Let Kids Be Kids by Limiting What They Learn and Controlling Who They Are
- Study: This Is All Natural-Once Every Hundred Thousand Years, Humans Destroy the Earth
- Welcome to Your Congressional Hearing. You Must Answer My Open-Ended Questions with a Yes or a No.
- AITA for Making My Family Stay at an Empty Hotel While I Go Insane and Try to Kill Them with an Ax?
- Point: As the President of the United States, I Am Asking You to Please Solve This
- Counterpoint: I'm Running to Be Your Next and Final President
- Welcome to Fall, the Two Days Between Summer and Winter
- Why I'm Doing My Own Research Before Wearing a Seat Belt
- We Live in a Healthy Society Also, This YouTuber Just Paid for Lifesaving Surgery for One Hundred Lucky Fans.
- It's Me, a Person Who's About to Refute an Opinion Nobody Holds
- Private Island Getaway
- Now That I'm Rich, I Won't Shut the Fuck Up
- These Are So Unhelpful They've Made a Full Circle All the Way to Helpful and Back to Unhelpful Again
- Ah, Another Beautiful Morning-Time to Ruin It by Immediately Opening My Phone
- A Separation: The Divorce Proceedings Between Church and State
- And Jesus Said unto Them, "Go Scream at Mannequins in Target"
- We're Doing Really Well, So We Need to Lay Some People Off: A Timeline
- Architectural Digest's Favorite Celebrity Homes That Keep Things Simple
- This Flight Is Carbon-Neutral
- Nepo Baby? King Charles Looks Suspiciously Like Queen Elizabeth
- Unhelpful Updates to Your Credit Card Rewards
- Unread Recall Notices: The Electoral College™
- And Now, a Word from Our Sponsor: Hard Work
- The Climate Apocalympics
- We Are Living in Orwell's 1984. I Think. I Don't Know. I Didn't Read the Book. Who's Orwell?
- Rant Template: I Am Totally Against Critical Race Theory, and Furthermore, I Have No Clue What It Is
- Updated Op-Ed Guidelines for Our Newest Unhinged Contributors
- To Protect Free Speech, We're Banning the Following Books
- I Don't Want Government Involved in Decisions About Abortion. Instead, I Want Government Involved in Decisions About Abortion.
- For Just Forty Hours a Week of Intense Work Outside Your Full-Time Job, You Too Can Make Passive Income
- The Best Time to Plant a Tree
- Pop Quiz: Fail of Rome, or Right Now?
- I Like Free Speech So Much I Decided to Buy It
- Our Special Tonight
- What If This Thing That Never Happened, Happened? We Should Base a Policy on That, Right?
- We Will Do Anything to Get You to Work for Us Except Pay You Enough
- A Fossil Fuel Lobbyist Explains How to Help the Environment
- Fundraising Emails from Assholes
- If You Teach a Man to Fish
- The Least Helpful of All
- The Constitution: Updated Terms and Conditions
- Test Prep for Your Annual Tax Quiz
- The Terrible Things I Have Said and Done My Entire Life Do Not Represent Me as a Person
- Walden: 2150
- Thank You for Calling the Active Shooter Hotline. There Are [EIGHT] Customers Ahead of You in Line. Please Enjoy This Message from Our Sponsors.
- Stop Politicizing This Thing That Can Only Be Solved Through Politics
- The Best Advice You'll Ever Receive
- A Guest Essay, by ChatGPT
- US History Book Update: The Supreme Court and the Power of the Paid Vacation
- Unfortunately, You Have Been Canceled. Now, We'd Love to Turn Your Books That Were Already Movies into a TV Show
- I'm a Self-Help Guru, and I'm Here to Ruin Your Life
- Top Five Ways to Beat the Heat in 2150
- And Now, a Word from Our Sponsor: Microplastics
- Money-the Thing You Need to Have or You'll Die-Can't Buy Happiness
- Do We Disagree, or Do I Just Not Know What the Fuck I'm Talking About?
- A Speech Delivered on the Anniversary of the Lunar Invasion
- No, My Raw-Meat Diet Is Not Accessible or Affordable. But Is It Worth It? Also No.
- I Am Simply the Small-Business Owner of a Very Large Business
- Flow Can We .Afford to Bail Out Student Loan Borrowers When We Can Barely Afford to Bail Out the Entire Airline Industry, Citigroup, Bank of America, AIG, Bear Stearns, Chrysler, and Then the Entire Airline Industry Again?
- The Twelve Rules for Life That Also Happen to Acquit Me of a Major Crime
- I'm the Average Driver on the Road Right Now, and I'm Out of My Fucking Mind
- It's Too Late to Save Earth, as I've Decided to Send Everyone to Die on Mars Instead: A PSA from the World's Wealthiest Man
- Top Ten Everyday Apocalypse Annoyances
- Updated Proverbs for Late-Stage Capitalism
- Fall 2150
- Trust Me, I Don't Want This to Happen, but If You Don't Buy This Book, I'm Hearing That It'll Be Tossed into a Landfill and That You'll Be Held Personally Responsible
- Acknowledgments
- About the Author
