I do (I think) Conversations about modern marriage

Review by Booklist Review

Throughout her life, writer, comedian, and podcast host (Just between Us) Raskin believed that marriage was the true signifier of adulthood and would provide security and safety. She got engaged in her early thirties and felt like her life was falling into place. But six months later, her fiancé left with little explanation. The breakup forced Raskin to question her assumptions. When, several years later, she met the man who would become her husband, she wanted to go into marriage with eyes wide open, leading to the research and writing of this book. Through interviews with individuals, couples, and experts, Raskin examines the origins and current place of marriage in Western society. Covering topics from cohabitation to couples therapy, she provides questions for readers to ask themselves and their partners to more deeply examine their own beliefs and values related to marriage. While Raskin's direct addresses to the reader can be distracting, and some of the interviewees' stories are unexpectedly traumatic, readers will appreciate the author's candor and lighthearted approach.

From Booklist, Copyright (c) American Library Association. Used with permission.

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Review by Publisher's Weekly Review

Novelist Raskin (Overthinking About You) takes a scrupulous look at what it means to get married at a time when fewer social and economic factors than ever necessitate it. Drawing on interviews with couples, divorce lawyers, financial advisers, sociologists, and therapists, she traces how marriage shifted from a primarily economic and social agreement to a vehicle for personal happiness in the 1960s and 1970s, as increases in women's financial freedom and the popularity of divorce drove down marriage rates. Yet marriage still retains many of its traditional, patriarchal structures, as evidenced by the 70%--80% of heterosexual women who still change their last names and the unequal distribution of labor in the home (for heterosexual women, getting married "tends to be associated with more unpaid labor"). Elsewhere, Raskin considers the merits of partnered cohabitation versus marriage (married couples may "mentally and emotionally depend on their partners more," though marriages are also harder to leave) and the value of premarital counseling. She assumes a refreshingly agnostic attitude throughout, neither crusading for or against marriage and encouraging those who decide to tie to the knot to "build your own definition" of partnership, for which she includes useful question prompts. Couples debating whether to take the leap would do well to check this out. Oct.)

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Review by Kirkus Book Review

Marriage, commitment, and modern-day relationships in Western society. From author and comedian Raskin comes a sincere examination of the laws, history, and social norms surrounding Western society's expectations for a successful relationship and marriage. Drawing on personal experience as well as interviews and first-person stories from American couples, she explores the cultural effects of marriage and how modern-day relationships continually change and evolve. Beginning by questioning what the actual definition of marriage is and why so many unions are often dissolved, she invites readers to explore the complexities of marriage in society today. "I think our changing world is developing a new relationship toward it. People considering marriage are confronting different variables…and it's left them with a lot of uncertainty and differing opinions than past generations." Weaving research and statistics with viewpoints shaped by her experiences with OCD and anxiety, Raskin challenges her audience to ask questions and to explore the "why" when deciding what modern-day marriage means to each person. Ten chapters explore the different variables to consider when determining whether marriage is right for someone, including sex, cultural norms, financial issues, couples therapy, religion, and divorce. Ending on a compassionate note, Raskin urges readers to define marriage for themselves and their individual needs. "I think the true value of modern marriage is getting to build your own definition of what it actually means to be married," she writes. "In Western society at least, marriage has shifted from a requirement to a choice. And not just the choice of whether to get married, but the choice of what kind of marriage to build together." An engaging and eye-opening investigation. Copyright (c) Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.

Copyright (c) Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.

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