How to love better The path to deeper connection through growth, kindness, and compassion

Yung Pueblo follows his best-selling Lighter (2022) with an exploration of love. He and his wife fell in love quickly in college, but often found themselves fighting bitterly. Why did they blame each other for their own unhappiness? Why couldn't they find peace in their relationship? Using meditation, Yung Pueblo finds that knowing and loving ourselves is the first step to creating a harmonious connection. This fosters kindness, growth, and compassion. A relationship is hard work on both sides, says the author, and it's a reflection of our inner selves. Yung Pueblo's gentle guidance and thoughtful advice is based on Zen philosophy. Pueblo cautions against trying to dominate, live in the past, or rush through life. Attachment can lead to rigidity, while true love accepts change as a basic aspect of life. The text is sensitively written, with poetic asides, lists of tips to ponder, and "reflecting questions" to end each chapter. Yung Pueblo reminds readers that preparing yourself by being compassionate, willing to grow, and genuinely open in communications are the first steps in learning how to love not perfectly but better.

Bestseller Yung Pueblo (a pseudonym for poet Diego Perez) follows up Lighter with a down-to-earth explainer on how cultivating self-knowledge can foster more fulfilling relationships. Recalling how a meditation practice helped him and his partner better "understand what we genuinely needed from one another," the author calls on readers to use tools like meditation, breathwork, and therapy to fuel a "growth mindset" that involves releasing the ego and being open to change. With this mindset, readers can fine-tune their behaviors to "be more conducive to a harmonious relationship"--for example, by using arguments to practice "selfless listening," or letting "yourself be immersed in view of things" rather than silently preparing a rebuttal. While the author's tendency to repeat his central message that one must love oneself in order to love someone else can become wearying, fans will appreciate his tried-and-true advice, which is often paraphrased in prose poems at the end of each chapter ("The same defensive pattern that protected you before/ can stop a new connection from fully flourishing"). It adds up to a smart if at times familiar resource for revitalizing one's relationships. (Mar.)