And the dragons do come Raising a transgender kid in rural America

Review by Booklist Review

Readers will relate to this engaging offering from the father of a transgender child. Informative and accessible, honest and rueful, this story of a family in rural Alabama trying to do what's best for their child shares the difficulties of making decisions about matters ranging from changing names and pronouns to finding supportive schools, selecting medical options, and dealing with intense social scrutiny (including verbal and physical attacks and death threats). At age six, Kate (Butler, as he eloquently explains, uses a pseudonym) told her parents she was "a girl in her heart." At the time of Butler's writing, Kate is 13. Family members accommodate their new reality on multiple fronts in largely unmapped territories, dealing with the real-world consequences of highly politicized issues (trans athletes, bathroom facilities, official identification documents). Some of the most horrifying passages describe the ignorance of anti-gender ideologists; it seems surreal when anti-gender-affirming care legislation for minors becomes law in 2022. Now relocated to a different state, Kate and her family look to an uncertain future. Amazingly, amidst all the precariousness, fear, and adversity (including heartbreaking statistics concerning trans kids and suicide), Kate emerges as a funny, intelligent, and endearing individual. Butler's thoughtful testimony serves as a convincing counterpoint to sensationalized rhetoric.

From Booklist, Copyright (c) American Library Association. Used with permission.

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Review by Publisher's Weekly Review

Butler, a former associate professor of communication at the University of Alabama, debuts with a poignant memoir of raising his transgender daughter in the rural South. Throughout, Butler cops to his own shortfalls as a father, including quarrelsomeness--"Being transgender is not easy, but you should all try having a debate coach for a father!" teases his now-teen daughter. But Butler's instinct for debate serves him well as he punctuates the heartwarming story of his daughter's coming out with firm arguments supporting the rights of trans kids. When his daughter--pseudonym "Kate"--tells Butler and his wife, "I am a girl in my heart," just before her sixth birthday, they realize this isn't a phase or playing pretend; she's demonstrating "insistent, consistent, and persistent" markers of her gender identity. Their extended family and Baptist church are accepting, but "dragons" lay beyond the castle walls of their tight-knit social circle: a teacher insists on deadnaming Kate, a swim coach refuses to let her participate in a coed sport, and the state of Alabama passes a law removing her access to medical care. Ultimately Butler must leave his beloved home state to protect his daughter. At the end of the book, she is thriving; when asked what adults should know about trans kids, she says: "We just want to be kids too." It's a moving glimpse of the struggle for trans kids' rights. (Nov.)

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Review by Library Journal Review

When Butler's (communications, Univ. of Alabama) oldest child, Kate (a pseudonym), came out as a transgender girl at age six, the author and his wife tried to adapt to the news in Birmingham, AL. That summer, they informed family and friends and let Kate grow her hair long and wear dresses. The social transition went well until school resumed, when the family encountered the first metaphorical "dragon" on this journey: a teacher who kept deadnaming Kate. Over the next 10 years, more dragons would come, including Kate's misadventures on sports teams and a state law forbidding minors from receiving gender-affirming care. In this account of the family's experience, Butler takes an aggressive stand against transphobia and anti-trans legislation. He cites numerous statistics from medical associations in support of transgender rights. At the same time, Butler doesn't shy away from examining his own past mistakes, which become teachable moments. His frank recounting of his foibles as a parent of a trans youth adds to the book's appeal. VERDICT With the increase of state and federal anti-trans legislation and laws nationwide, Butler's story becomes an essential read and a welcome addition to parenting and social sciences collections.--Anjelica Rufus

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