Simplicity parenting Using the extraordinary power of less to raise calmer, happier, and more secure kids

Waldorf educator and consultant Payne teams up with writer Ross to pre-sent an antidote for children who are overscheduled and overwhelmed by too much information and a fast-paced consumer culture that threatens the pace and playful essence of childhood. Payne claims that a protective filter should surround childhood, rather than the competitive, stressful adult world that has encroached on childhood's boundaries, preventing kids from developing resiliency with a sense of ease and well-being. But Payne is not a doomsayer: he presents a wealth of practical ideas for reclaiming childhood and establishing family harmony. In chapters covering four levels of simplification-environment, rhythm, schedules and "Filtering Out the Adult World"-Payne explains how parents can tackle extraneous stuff and stimulation by reducing the "mountain" of toys, limiting scheduled activities, providing valuable downtime and employing such "pressure valves" as storytelling and periods of quiet. According to the authors, limiting choices and activities will lead to kids who are more secure and less stressed, and to parents whose days are calmer. With fewer choices, Payne explains, families have the freedom to "appreciate things-and one another-more deeply." Though "simplicity parenting" may seem a stretch for some, others will find that Payne's program for restoring creative play, order and balance is long overdue. (Sept.) (c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved

Waldorf educator and school consultant Payne believes our families are being consumed by too much stuff, too many choices, too much information. Our society's collective stresses are interfering with our children's sense of security that allows for an emerging sense of self. Beginning with the home environment and covering such topics as toys, food, sleep, schedules, and sports, Payne persuasively shows how less is more. He wisely reminds us that in parenting, it is the spaces between the activities that relationships are built. This information is not new but perhaps sold under the banner of "simplicity" we will finally take heed.-Julianne J. Smith, Ypsilanti Dist. Lib., MI (c) Copyright 2010. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

Chapter One Why Simplify? We are facing an enormous problem in our lives today. It's so big we can hardly see it, and it's right in front of our face, all day, every day. We're all living too big lives, crammed from top to toe with activities, urgencies, and obligations that seem absolute. There's no time to take a breath, no time to look for the source of the problem." --Sarah Susanka, The Not So Big Life James was about eight years old, and entering third grade, when I met his parents. Lovely and very bright people, James's mother was a professor and his father was involved in city government. They were worried about their son having trouble sleeping at night, and his complaints of stomachaches. An eight-year-old boy is fairly well designed to be a picky eater, but James's pickiness was getting extreme. His stomachaches came and went, but they didn't seem food related. Both parents spoke proudly of how confidently James could speak with adults, but acknowledged that he had trouble connecting with his peers. He avoided things that he felt might be dangerous, and had only very recently learned to ride a bike. "And don't forget the driving thing," his mother mentioned. James's father explained that whenever they drove someplace, James would be the self-appointed policeman in the backseat, letting them know when they were even one or two miles above the speed limit, scanning the road ahead for concerns of any kind. The term "backseat driver" didn't come close to describing his behavior; you can well imagine how relaxing these road trips were. As I got to know the family, I noticed how much their daily lives were colored by world issues. Both parents were avid news followers. The television was often on and tuned to CNN, whether they were directly focused on it or not. Politically and intellectually oriented, they would discuss issues at great length, particularly environmental concerns. From an early age, James had been listening to these conversations. His parents were proud of his knowledge. They felt that they were raising a little activist, a "citizen of the world," who would grow up informed and concerned. James's understanding of global warming seemed to rival Al Gore's. That much was apparent. James was also, clearly, becoming a very anxious little fellow. His parents and I worked together on a simplification regime. We made some changes in the home environment and greatly increased the sense of rhythm and predictability in their daily life patterns. But our primary focus was on cutting back James's involvement in his parents' intellectual lives, and his access to information. How much information was pouring into the house and into James's awareness? Instead of three computers in the house, his parents decided to keep one, in the den off the master bedroom. After much discussion, they actually removed both televisions from the home. They felt that this might be harder on them than it would be on James, and they wanted to test their theory. If there were to be sacrifices, they wanted to bear their share of them. They also realized that the TVs had become mainly sources of background noise in their home. Would they be missed or not? Game Boys and Xboxes were also removed, minimizing the number of screens throughout the house. I was most impressed, however, by the commitment they made to change some very ingrained habits. Quite bravely, I thought, they aimed to keep their discussion of politics, their jobs, and their concerns to a time after James went to bed. This was hard to do at first, and they had to remind each other frequently to refrain from talking about these things while James was still awake. But the change became second nature. The quality of their nightly talks intensified, and both parents came to Excerpted from Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids by Kim John Payne, Lisa M. Ross All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.